Kelly Clarkson, the original American Idol turned America’s talk show sweetheart, is known for being uniquely uncontroversial among her generation of tabloid-trailed pop stars. Hence, it’s absurd and hysterical that Clarkson began the biggest social media controversy of the week with a post on X complaining that she was “treated like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman” when she went to a Brooklyn boutique specifically to purchase an artisanal — checks notes — animatronic bird.
Art of Play, the toy store for adults in question (notably not an “adult toy store,” which would be more perverse but no more depraved), displayed the animatronic bird on social media and in the store, with a placard listing its price as $15,000.
Though Clarkson’s net worth is in the tens of millions of dollars, CCTV footage later released by the store showed that she was dressed not like a multiplatinum celebutante or a “pretty woman,” but like an inconspicuous, middle-class, middle-aged mother in jeans and a baseball cap.
The footage indeed shows Clarkson inquiring about the bird and being addressed by a shopkeeper, cavalierly leaning away from her while holding a coffee cup, only to be quickly dismissed. Clarkson does not appear to scream or stamp her feet in protest. Instead, she walks around the store, putting back the items she had originally intended to buy before being blown off about the animatronic bird, named Molly.
In its initial response to Clarkson, Art of Play claimed that Molly was not for sale but had offered to connect Clarkson with the artist to purchase a different, $2,000 animatronic bird.
Clarkson name-checked Art of Play to her 8.8 million followers, so the store had every right to respond in its defense. But what has followed the release of the video, which shows slightly dismissive but not appalling behavior from the shop, is not a defense but delusion.
In a complaint seemingly pulled from Portlandia or Saturday Night Live, store co-owner Adam Rubin wailed in video interviews with USA Today and TMZ that “Kelly Clarkson put us in danger,” slamming her tweet as “asymmetrical social warfare.” Ordinarily, he would be right — if he weren’t so unbelievably insufferable.
In an interview with New York Magazine, Rubin was asked point-blank whether, given the $15,000 price tag hung next to Molly, the bird was actually for sale. It took three separate follow-up questions to elicit the answer.
“There are two in existence. This is one. If someone showed serious interest, we would reach out to him about getting them an automaton. This is not something that’s sitting in a warehouse. It’s like a piece of sculpture. It’s a fine-art piece,” said Rubin.
“So many people asked about it that we had put a price on it, but we talked to the creator when he came to fix the machine, and if someone showed serious interest, we would reach out to him about getting them an automaton. As you’ve noticed, we’ve raised the price due to popular demand. It now costs $15 million.”
Everybody hates the faceless behemoths of the airline and insurance industries. But the Clarkson brouhaha asks whether we have the courage to hate the real, honest-to-God scourge of American capitalism: the pretentious, economically useless boutique in a blue city.
Such businesses survive only thanks to a decade of zero interest rate policy and a legal bias that rigs corporate regulations against big business in favor of the self-professed “fair trade” small business. Bonus points if you can claim minority ownership. They cater to the disposable income of the 1% while advocating the socialist policies that put actual job creators out of business.
Everybody has had a slightly downscale version of the experience Clarkson detailed. While we expect to be dismissed by a minimum-wage Walmart clerk who will be replaced by Claude in the coming years, the compensation for the indignity of patronizing a showroom as pompous as Art of Play is supposed to be quality customer service.
The released security footage makes clear that Clarkson wasn’t demanding respect for being Kelly Clarkson. She was asking that anonymous customers who are polite and plainly but appropriately attired be treated with respect.
Withering consumer sentiment during the long pandemic hangover isn’t just related to price levels. Nearly half of respondents polled by Gallup in 2024 said that customer service quality had declined over the previous year. Nearly a quarter of employees polled by Gallup disagreed that they bore a great deal of responsibility for the quality of the products or services customers receive.
Set aside the inherent privilege of being able to afford a $15,000 bird: Clarkson reminds us that we Americans consider ourselves consumers first and workers fourth or fifth. With notable exceptions, the customer is usually right.