Sports leagues should probably be on Rand Paul’s next ‘Festivus Report’

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Rand Paul
Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., speaks to reporters about Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., and his recent freeze-ups on camera, at the Capitol in Washington, Thursday, Sept. 7, 2023. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Sports leagues should probably be on Rand Paul’s next ‘Festivus Report’

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The sports leagues in this country are out of control. From collegiate sports leagues in the NCAA to professional leagues such as the NBA, MLB, and NFL, executives have wasted millions of dollars in salaries for underperforming coaches and players. World hunger could probably be solved by the money wasted in these leagues. It’s so bad that sports leagues should earn a spot in Sen. Rand Paul’s (R-KY) next Festivus Report of wasteful spending.

Ever the fiscal hawk, Paul is known for his logical and commonsense approach to spending. He regularly highlights some of the government’s absurd spending projects and repeatedly preaches the need for fiscal responsibility. Every December, Paul releases his “Festivus Report,” which chronicles some of the nation’s largest financial mishaps during the year. The report’s name is inspired by the humorous events in a Seinfeld episode.

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Paul is known for his fiscal conservatism. It’s a skill that many sports leagues could use. The infractions are too many to list, but here are some of the most egregious examples in sports.

MLB is known as “America’s pastime” because of people’s fondness for the sport for over 150 years. Yet it could also apply to how MLB wastes money, as do politicians in Congress. Consider the teams with MLB’s top three highest payrolls last season: San Diego Padres ($248,995,932), New York Mets ($353,546,854), and New York Yankees ($276,999,872). Combined, they won 239 games, lost 247, and spent nearly $880 million. Not one of these teams made the postseason or competed for the championship.

In the postseason, the team with the fourth highest payroll, the Philadelphia Phillies, made it to the National League Championship Series, in which they were heavily favored against the Arizona Diamondbacks. The Phillies had a payroll of $243,009,439, more than double the Diamondbacks’ team salary of $116,471,292. That Arizona beat the Phillies isn’t altogether shocking because that frequently happens in sports. It’s kind of what makes watching MLB exciting.

However, what was surprising was the Phillies’ star players, the ones with the highest contracts, drastically underperformed. Phillies players Bryce Harper, Trea Turner, and Nick Castellanos signed guaranteed contracts totaling $730 million. However, each failed to get one hit during Games 6 and 7 of the NLCS. Baseball is a game predicated on failure, but going hitless in the two most important games of the season with such salaries was nothing short of a fiscal disaster.

Yet, as bad as MLB was, it was still better than NCAA football and the NFL. Consider just these recent coaching decisions. On Halloween, the Las Vegas Raiders fired their head coach, Josh McDaniels, after fewer than two seasons. He reportedly signed a six-year $60 million guaranteed contract. They will pay him nearly $45 million not to work for the organization.

This is in addition to the contract of previous head coach Jon Gruden, who resigned after a few years into his 10-year contract. Despite his resignation, Gruden was still owed $40 million in guaranteed money even after leaving the team, according to reports. That means the Las Vegas Raiders are reportedly paying two people roughly $85 million not to work for them anymore.

In the college ranks, Texas A&M coach Jimbo Fisher was fired by the school on Sunday. Yet despite his termination, Fisher had a guaranteed contract. His reward for doing a job not well done is reportedly $77 million. Again, he will get paid all of this by the university not to work for it anymore. But Fisher is not alone! He is one of several coaches who didn’t perform to expectations, were fired for their dismal records, and still get paid. ESPN reported schools will pay a combined $146 million to five coaches, including Fisher, for failing at their jobs. If this doesn’t warrant being on Paul’s “Festivus Report” (assuming the senator expanded his list beyond government expenses), it’s hard to imagine what would.

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I could go on and use other examples from other leagues (see Simmons, Ben, NBA), but it’s just more of the outlandish and egregious financial waste. Incompetent and inept executives keep making these awful decisions, and there isn’t any accountability. The amount of money wasted in sports could probably cure many of society’s ills. Yet despite this sports-motivated decadence, people still fork over money to fuel the ineptitude in these sports leagues.

In the future, perhaps instead of pondering, “How much should we pay (insert name of player or coach here),” they should probably start asking, “What would Rand Paul do?”

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