I regret giving smartphones to my middle schoolers
Nicole Russell
Smartphones are like a drug: They battle with parents, education, and outside time, for teens’ and even middle schoolers’ attention. The average teen supposedly uses a smartphone approximately seven hours a day or more, the equivalent of nearly a full day’s work. They’re addictive but useful, time-sucking but ubiquitous among adults, teens, middle schoolers, and even some elementary school-aged children. What should parents do?
A recent Free Press piece, “The Parents Saying No to Smartphones,” piqued my attention: Not every parent these days gives their child a smartphone. They give them alternatives or — gasp! — nothing. I wish I’d said no to my children on smartphones until high school: I urge parents to learn from my ignorance and naivety and do likewise if they can.
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My four children are roughly two years apart and range from elementary age to high school. A few years ago, my older two children — a girl and a boy — were given smartphones by a relative while they were in middle school. Even though I didn’t love the idea, I went along with it; I even got them new ones eventually. I figured I’d set boundaries, keep a close eye on them, and all would be well. I regret that.
In middle school, smartphones are banned, and in high school, most children are too busy to use them — generally speaking. What I observed at home is that even when boundaries about screen time are set, they get pushed back — or the child constantly wants to push them. When settings are changed to disrupt apps or screen time, some of those can be ignored or changed. Some apps and all explicit content are blocked, but general screen time winds up being a constant point of conversation.
I still set and have continued to set a very small limit for screen time daily, but the “pull” of the smartphone is so strong I regret allowing them in my children’s early teens. My children are involved in sports and music, facilitate friendships, and have good grades; one has a job. For teenagers who aren’t doing these things, I imagine they are spending most of their time — those seven-plus hours — on the phone. Summer is especially hard.
Beyond battling more meta-issues such as whether or not a child can have a specific app — I have banned social media apps and don’t regret that — is that when a smartphone is present, it gets precedence in young people’s brains. Whereas younger children or previous generations without such an option would pursue sports, time outdoors, friends, and a job first, because that’s all there was to do, these children and their friends want to scroll first and do everything else important later.
The ease and addictive element — the dopamine hits associated with screen time — make the smartphone a force to be reckoned with for children and adults.
I’m glad I’ve set the boundaries I have and continue to ensure my children are prioritizing the things that really matter over screen time. They’ve gotten much better as they’ve gotten older, but I regret the way we got here. For children without limits, with unfettered access to the internet and social media, per research, the smartphone is likely becoming an addiction that lends itself not to connection but isolation, not to more friendships but a feeling of loneliness and depression.
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I’ve still got two younger children, and they won’t be getting smartphones any time soon. If I had to do it over again, I’d do what the Free Press article suggested: Purchase a “dumb phone,” a smartphone-looking, internet-free device that only has essentials such as texting, calling, and a GPS. It’s not cool, but it’s a lot healthier for children and more freeing for parents.
Nicole Russell is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. She is a journalist in Washington, D.C., who previously worked in Republican politics in Minnesota. She is an opinion columnist for the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.