Divorce, once shrouded by shame and the tarnishing of one’s social reputation, has undergone a drastic makeover in the past four decades. Marriage, in turn, is no longer emblematic of a shiny, celebratory rite of passage. It is now viewed as an unnecessary luxury at best, and an entirely preventable, soul-sucking disaster at worst.
The latest statistics on divorce in America are revealed in a Pew Research Center report. Divorce rates have been steadily declining after peaking in 1980. That year, there were 22.6 divorces per 1,000 married women; by 2023, this number had shrunk to 14.4 divorces. One-third of Americans who have been married will experience divorce, which is a far cry from the “50 percent” statistic we’ve all surely heard before.
DIVORCE RATE REACHES LOWEST POINT SINCE PEAKING IN 1980
What led to this downturn? Nowadays, marriage tends to be sought after by highly educated people, and higher education is negatively correlated with divorce. As confirmed by Pew’s data, more education, including having a bachelor’s degree, is associated with a lower likelihood of divorce.
As well, the average age of marriage is increasing. In 1956, the average age for a first marriage was about 23 years old for men and 20 years old for women. In 2024, however, the average ages were 30 and 29, respectively. With age comes greater life experience and presumably more realistic expectations of what everlasting commitment entails.
So, in addition to fewer people in society getting married in the first place, those who are tying the knot possess characteristics predictive of marital longevity.
An exception to the declining divorce trend has been the occurrence of “gray divorces,” which refers to couples who get a divorce at 50 years of age and older. This trend has been fueled by Baby Boomers (who are in their sixties and older, born around 1946 to 1964).
In 1990, gray divorces were relatively rare at 3.9 divorces per 1,000 married women aged 50 and older. As divorce became less taboo, nearly two decades later in 2008, the rate of divorce among this demographic had risen to 11.0, which is where it has remained.
In my opinion, the popularity of gray divorces speaks to why, as a larger phenomenon, marriage rates (and subsequent divorce rates) have been going down. Many couples will stick out an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage for their kids, but once the youngest has left the nest, they realize they don’t want to continue living the next half of their lives in misery, and understandably so. But for some onlookers, this gives the perception that no marriage is safe from dissolution.
Divorce is a gruesome process. For millennials and Generation Z, witnessing the family court system tear their household (or their friends’ households) apart has created an aversion to the whole notion of settling down. Many young men and women avoid getting married so that they cannot be financially taken advantage of or punished by a vindictive ex-spouse.
As women outearn and outrank their male peers professionally, they are no longer dependent on men or the institution of marriage for survival. The pervading cultural sentiment is that marriage is a trap for women, filled with endless chores and a lack of help with childcare alongside working outside of the home.
For men, many know that women are more likely to file for divorce, and that a man being unemployed can be a contributing factor. These young men do not wish to get married and start a family only to have a wife abandon them and take their children away, should they lose their job.
Social media “likes” and dating-app swipes have reduced the courtship process to an impersonal, low-effort, assembly-line process. Today’s culture additionally encourages everyone, regardless of marital or relationship status, to be self-centered and to prioritize a partner’s flashiness over traits that correlate with marital success, such as agreeableness and openness.
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Despite this, marriage remains beneficial. It signifies a level of commitment that isn’t present in the context of dating monogamously or living together. Without this commitment, deep down, both parties know they aren’t that serious about each other.
The problem isn’t that marriage is obsolete or that divorce is inevitable, but that people are overlooking red flags and marrying the wrong person.
Dr. Debra Soh is a sex neuroscientist and the author of The End of Gender. Follow her @DrDebraSoh and visit DrDebraSoh.com.