What if Biden had to give FDR’s Pearl Harbor speech?
Michael Rubin
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President Joe Biden’s response to the Israel-Hamas crisis reflects the lens through which he views the world. While Biden sided with Israel in his Oct. 18 remarks, his refusal to acknowledge Iran’s role and his subsequent efforts to restrain Israel raise questions about his fortitude. The question historians might ask, then, is what if today’s Biden transported back in time to deliver President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s address to the nation following the attack on Pearl Harbor? Perhaps it might have gone something like this:
Mr. Vice President, and Mr. Speaker, and members of the Senate and House of Representatives: Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941, a date which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly attacked by naval and air forces using Japanese airplanes. We have no evidence yet that the Japanese emperor (he/him/his) actually gave the order, but this appears to be a big f***ing deal.
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The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific and promotion of transgender rights. I personally saw Pearl Harbor in flames, and as I battled to put out the fire, I could not help but realize that until we fight climate change, such disasters will recur.
Indeed, one hour after air squadrons with Japanese marking had allegedly commenced bombing Oahu, the Japanese ambassador (he/him/his) to the United States and his colleague, whose hair smelled nice, delivered to our secretary of state a formal reply to a recent American message. And while this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack. It always pays to talk, and the very fact that the Japanese do so after such an attack underscores their desire for peace.
Some might say that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned weeks ago. I will not rush to judgment. Militants might control the Japanese army, but I bumped into a reformer at a conference once, so I can talk to him about peace. This is why today I also announce suspension of sanctions and an additional $6 billion in aid to the Japanese people and will commence emergency shipments of fuel. Some might say the Imperial Japanese Army are terrorists, but as my assistant Jon Finer assures me, “We believe there is an understanding” that the Japanese will not use such funds to build tunnels or behead prisoners.
The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces but, the real tragedy, my climate czar John Kerry tells me, is it also released tons of carbon into the air. The facts speak for themselves. We need to come together as a nation and put our partisan differences aside, and so I say sincerely: Republicans, stop being worse than the terrorists.
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As commander in chief, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense, though I assure you that our forces will not be put in harm’s way. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, so long as it does not take more than a year, the American people in their righteous might will win through to a diplomatic agreement.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us. But first we must determine who truly is responsible, and not let racism guide us or our privilege blind us. I therefore ask that Congress declare that we redouble our diplomacy and ensure that the safety of civilians on the Japanese mainland is our paramount concern.
Michael Rubin (@mrubin1971) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. He is a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute.