The miserable marriage meme
Madeline Fry Schultz
Generation Z and millennials have an incredibly dour view of marriage if the internet is to be believed.
The lead in Disney’s live-action Snow White has boasted that the princess is “not going to be saved by the prince, and she’s not going to be dreaming about true love.”
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After celebrity couple Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner announced their divorce, many onlookers treated the news as inevitable, considering Turner was 23 years old when the two got married. (For the record, this author was 23 when she tied the knot.)
A viral TikTok shows a young woman putting on an engagement ring and seeing flashes of her life that involve furiously cleaning the house and cradling a baby. (Eyes wide, she takes the ring off.)
It’s no secret that marriage is getting less popular, both in practice and in our cultural narratives. The stories we tell about our cultural institutions matter, and today’s stories aren’t great. They ignore that Snow White can fall in love and be self-actualized (whatever that means) and that, unfortunately, houses get dirty whether they’re occupied by a singleton or a couple. The message is clear: Keep those pesky husbands and children away if you want to have fun!
Yet, as commentator Aldo Buttazzoni notes in an article about this trend, people who boast about singleness often seem to be spending their time watching reality TV, not developing new skills for the betterment of themselves or their communities.
On top of that, married people are quite happy. In fact, 40% of married mothers reported that they were “very happy,” compared with just 25% of married women without children and 22% of childless singles, according to the latest General Social Survey. Similarly, 35% of married fathers reported being “very happy,” compared to 30% for childless married men and 14% for childless singles.
Of course, it’s important to note that not everyone must get married, and single people shouldn’t be shamed for not having found a partner yet. But it’s also important to stress, particularly to younger generations, the data-backed reality that marriage and children lead to purpose, joy, and all the wonderful things that sleeping in on a Saturday just can’t offer.
If young people are ever to reverse the baby bust, they’ll need to see a few more viral TikToks about romantic dates or adorable babies, not fear of drudgery in family life. Marriage and parenthood are having a PR crisis, and what we need are better memes.