Hong Kong hijinks
Trent Reedy
You might remember my friend Tim Perkins and his misadventures in the Navy from an earlier column. A North Dakota kid fresh out of high school, put through a year of Navy training, and shipped off around the world is bound to get in trouble. Perkins’s second shore leave was scheduled for what was then British Hong Kong. He was eager to explore this fascinating place, so he asked Petty Officer 1st Class Johnson, a respected Gulf War veteran, what he should look for in the city.
“I been there lots of times,” Johnson said. “Rich culture. Museums. A zoo. Stick with me, and you’ll be fine.”
LE MANS WAS RIGGED, AND MOST PEOPLE WANT IT THAT WAY
This was great! Perkins had enlisted, in part, to see the world. It was happening. But in port, the sailors were released from the ship by rank. About 6,000 sailors would be departing, and Perkins, as an E2, would be one of the last ashore. “How will I find you?” he asked.
“Easy,” Johnson said. “Off the ship, walk straight down the street to the Pussycat Club. Can’t miss it!”
“And from there, we’ll go see the city?” Perkins asked.
“Sure. You bet.” Johnson promised.
Finally, Perkins went ashore, amazed by the huge crowd and foreign city. Soon, he saw the giant sign with a neon girl in a bikini with a cat tail. The Pussycat Club. Upon entering, Perkins discovered that nudity was not allowed in Hong Kong bars, so a bunch of women in leotards danced around doing erotic aerobics. His sailor buddies were already wasted. It was 1 in the afternoon.
“Perkins, we’re about to go see the city!” Johnson said. “Just one more round. Get yourself a beer!” Perkins bought a drink, sipping slowly to keep his head so he could explore the sights. But six hours later, it was clear the old sailors weren’t going anywhere.
So, Perkins went out on his own. Passing a bar called Popeyes, he encountered Seaman Apprentice Chapman. Inside, Chapman shouted to the extraordinarily unattractive topless bartender, “Hey, Bertha! Couple o’ beers here!”
“No call me Bertha!” The bartender brought the beers.
Chapman took a sip. “Thanks, Bertha!”
She kicked Chapman out. But on the way, he threw his full beer at Bertha’s head. Shore patrol came for Chapman. Perkins, a bit tipsy, continued alone to see the city. Hong Kong in ’93 had more beer available than modern American grocery stores have Bud Light rotting on the shelves. Perkins kept walking, exploring, and drinking. Wasted, lost, alone, and tired, he found a hotel.
Twenty bucks a room? What a deal! And classy! Red velvet walls and a round bed with a mirror ceiling. Cable TV! But every channel featured weird 1970s pornography. He shut it off, ready to sleep anyway. As he was drifting off, someone knocked on the door. He opened the door to find a charming Chinese woman holding some towels. “Room service?”
“No, thanks. It’s 1 a.m. I already ate.”
Perkins went back to bed. A short time later, another knock woke him.
Another stunning Chinese woman with towels. “Room service?”
Did she mean housekeeping? In the middle of the night? “I got enough towels! Trying to sleep!”
After the third knock, Perkins staggered down to the manager at the desk. “No room service! I must sleep!”
Perkins was finally left alone. The next morning, after walking for hours, looking for any English speakers, he discovered he was far from the Nimitz. It took forever to get back. Back aboard ship, when he described the overzealous hotel service, Johnson and the other sailors laughed, explaining to this North Dakota kid that those girls were offering far more than towels. Perkins’s face flashed hot with embarrassment.
Young Seaman Apprentice Tim Perkins had wanted to see the sights and culture of Hong Kong. In a way, he got his wish. And the USS Nimitz sailed on.
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Trent Reedy, author of several books, including Enduring Freedom, served as a combat engineer in the Iowa National Guard from 1999 to 2005, including a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
*Some names and call signs in this story may have been changed due to operational security or privacy concerns.