All the speeches at the convention in Dallas last week were fine, but I didn’t hear the one I’m still waiting for President Donald Trump to deliver.
It’s the one where he expresses contrition for the things he got wrong and explains clearly his rationale for what he got right. It’s not really a speech he’s likely to give, but it would be awesome nonetheless if he did.
Here goes:
“My fellow Americans, to paraphrase John F. Kennedy, ask not what you can do for your country. Instead, ask what your country is going to do to you once the socialist Democrats get in.
And if they do, I have to admit that it will be largely my fault.
I’ve been so focused on foreign policy that I’ve neglected your concerns about affordability.
I know that inflation is still high. I can’t blame that solely on my predecessor, President Autopen.
I bear some of the responsibility because of the cost of the war in Iran.
Believe me, it’s going to be worth it to get those bad guys out of there.
They’ve been killing their own people, they fund terrorism that’s been killing people around the globe for decades, and given the chance, they would kill all of us.
We have to get them out of there, and yes, it’s taken longer than I expected.
But I know I’ve never made the case clearly to you, so when you go to the gas pump to fill up, you don’t understand why you’re paying higher prices or what the reason is.
That’s on me.
I also recognize that many of you, especially our young people, have serious concerns about capitalism.
The socialist organizers seem friendly enough, with their softball games and talk of free stuff.
I know their promises sound appealing right now, when you’ve got huge college loans to pay back, you’re concerned about artificial intelligence taking your jobs, and becoming a first-time homeowner seems out of reach.
But believe me. Socialism has never worked anywhere on the planet. They’re promising you free stuff, but they aren’t telling you who’s going to pay for it.
And instead of free stuff, you’re going to give up your freedom. That’s what happened in the Soviet Union, Nicaragua, Cuba, Venezuela, and everywhere it’s been tried.
Listen to the hatred they have for everything America stands for. Free enterprise. The Constitution. The Senate. Even Thanksgiving! You can’t make this stuff up!
So my focus over the final two years of my presidency is to make life affordable for you and for all Americans.
To that end, I am announcing that I’m going to release all $500 million from our accounts to support Republican congressional candidates in the upcoming midterm elections.
If we don’t hold the House and the Senate, the socialist Democrats will do everything they can to dismantle all of the gains that we’ve made since I came back into office.
The border we closed. The government savings we achieved. Eliminating DEI in government and acting against antisemitism on college campuses. Tax savings. New jobs. It’ll all go away.
Some people have suggested that I’m holding onto that money to pay for a presidential library.
That’s so silly. I don’t even have a library card! I’ve never been to a library!
What do I need a library for? The only books I’ve read are the ones with my name on it. And I haven’t even read all of those!
But seriously, folks, I know. Some of my rhetoric has left this country deeply divided.
I regret that.
I love this country so much. In my remaining two years, I want to make sure this country is as united and strong as possible, economically at home and a beacon of democracy around the world.
I was even hoping to get on Mount Rushmore after I step down. But when Elon Musk was in the government, he fired all the stone cutters!
So I’ll just have to settle for being on the new $250 bill.
OK, folks, to be serious, for one more moment.
Not everything I did worked, and we could have done a better job, including all Americans, not just my base — gotta love my base, I love my base — in those efforts.
But we always had the best interests of our nation at heart.
So please turn out and vote for the Republican candidates, even though I won’t be on the ballot this November.
Our future has never been brighter.
I’VE ATTENDED EVERY GOP CONVENTION SINCE 2004. ‘TRUMPAPALOOZA’ IS A GRIFT — NOT A CONVENTION
And the Democrats have never been dumber. Couldn’t resist. Sorry, Democrats. But it’s true.
Anyway, God bless each of you, and God bless the United States of America.”
Michael Levin is a two-time New York Times bestselling author. His next novel, 2028, A Political Thriller, will be published by Morgan James in April.