For some, the holiday season is a time of joy, excitement, and belonging. For others, the holidays bring up harder feelings such as stress, grief, or loneliness. Sometimes many different, seemingly disparate emotions can come up at the same time, creating a sense of confusion at what feels like the worst moment, when the pressures of being “ready” threaten to crowd out other considerations.
Wherever you’re falling on the emotional spectrum this year, don’t despair. Consider the following suggestions for how to support your own mental health as well as your wider community.
1. Pause to consider rather than use substances to numb
During times of stress, it’s not uncommon for the rate of drinking to increase and then go back down. However, a recent study revealed that the trend of increased drinking by Americans that intensified during the COVID-19 pandemic has not abated as expected. Reaching for a glass of wine or spirits can be an easy way to relax, but if it’s what you turn to in order to cope or numb uncomfortable or distressing emotions, you may be doing more harm than good for your own mental and emotional health. Try to incorporate a different way to manage these feelings with other types of tools.
When an uncomfortable emotion comes up, pause. If you’re with a group, breathe slowly in and out and allow yourself to be curious. Identify the emotion, perhaps using a tool such as a feelings wheel. What is the feeling telling you? Do you need to express something to someone else? Or do you need to release it? Some of my clients find mental visualizations helpful, such as releasing a difficult feeling or scenario like a balloon into the sky.
Difficult feelings can also come up that are not connected to the circumstance you’re in; perhaps they remind you of something from the past. If it’s not a good moment to dig into it, wait and revisit it. A short walk might be beneficial, or a quick text exchange with a supportive friend.
2. Adopt easy-to-remember aids
Some people may have no problem identifying their emotions yet completely ignore what their bodies may be telling them. Physiological stress is our body’s response to challenging and emotionally distressing situations. Chronic anxiety decreases quality of life and can have serious effects on the body.
It is important for us to recognize the signs our bodies are showing and learn to self-soothe to stay present. When your heart rate goes up during stress, it’s time to self-soothe. This can include breathing techniques, relaxation, or tools in a personalized coping toolbox.
This type of kit could include proprioceptive (the body’s awareness of itself and its limbs) support, such as a stuffed animal, something to support breathing and relaxation, such as a small bottle of bubbles, olfactory sensory support, such as calming essential oil spray, an item to encourage movement, such as pictures of helpful stretches, and items for oral motor sensory support such as snack bags of Skittles or mints.
3. Find community and reduce social media
Over half of Americans believe technology fosters superficial interactions, found a 2023 government report on loneliness and isolation. Reduce these in favor of the real thing, even if it starts out superficial.
Foster relationships in the real world by thinking about people you see regularly — whether coworkers, parents of your children’s friends, or even a cashier at a grocery store. Try to have small conversations when you see them. Build on the connection: Ask about the things you spoke about the previous time you saw them. Suggest a get-together such as a coffee or meal that fits with your schedule.
Existing communities are another good connection option. Faith-based organizations such as churches, synagogues, or mosques can offer activities aimed at connection. Libraries often have events that can foster relationships. Volunteering can be another means of connection. According to a 2020 study conducted in the United Kingdom, those who volunteered rated their mental health as better than those who did not.
4. Maintain perspective
Uncomfortable feelings can tempt us to clamp down on what we perceive as controllable in our environment. Often, that shows up as vigilance in what we’re eating or even particular ingredients in food. This is particularly intense on social media, in which unverified sources proliferate and deliver fearful messages.
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It is important for individuals not to rely on unnecessary and burdensome self-imposed requirements such as avoiding dyes in food. There’s almost always more to the story with influencer content. Influencers want your focus, but that’s not necessarily the best thing for your mental health. Whether consuming food or social media, moderation is key.
By keeping these principles in mind this year, hopefully you will have a more peaceful experience of the holidays. Who knows, you may just get a jump on those New Year’s resolutions to take better care of yourself.
Alysha Tagert is the director of mental health and psychosocial support for World Relief and a mental health service provider who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief and loss, trauma, and PTSD.