A burning dissent from overbearing environmental policy in the kitchen
Eric Felten
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The next thing you know, they’ll be banning the Blue Blazer. No, not the dark navy sport coat, but the cocktail for which the legendary 19th-century bartender, Jerry Thomas, was rightly famous. Thomas would take two silver-plated mugs, and into one of them, he would put two ounces of scotch and two ounces of boiling water. Ignite the liquid with a match and then pour the flaming contents from one mug to another and back again half a dozen times. “If well done,” Thomas wrote in his 1862 bartender’s guide, “this will have the appearance of a continued stream of liquid fire.” The burnt whiskey is poured into a tumbler with some sugar.
OK, no one is coming to regulate the Blue Blazer, but that’s only because no one is foolhardy enough to try the trick without asbestos gloves. But just about every other cuisine that depends on fire — let’s call them the combustible comestibles — is the target of a nanny state gone mad. Yes, the government is coming for our stoves, and any other appliance that runs on natural gas.
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The issue flared up early this year when it was discovered that the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission had declared that “any option is on the table” in protecting the poor dears of our feeble citizenry from the dangers of gas ranges. “Products that can’t be made safe can be banned.”
Since it was a PR flame-out, the press were quick to suppress the gas leak. “But,” sputtered the capital’s sophisticates, “wait!” That’s just a MAGA fever dream. Nothing could be further from the truth. Nobody’s coming for your stove, you yokels.
“No, Biden Is Not Trying to Ban Gas Stoves,” said the New York Times, patting everyone on the head. Politico offered to explain “What the right’s gas stove freakout was really about.” Fact-checkers from the Associated Press were at the ready to extinguish the heated rhetoric. “CLAIM: The Biden administration is planning a ban on gas stoves nationwide.” “THE FACTS: The White House says President Joe Biden would not support a ban, and the commission, an independent agency, says no such ban is in the works.” Well, if the White House says so…
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For a month or two, the range wars have been quiet, as if to show there never had been any threat to the gas burners of America. But this week, politicians in Washington, D.C., were at it again. The D.C. Council heard testimony last Tuesday from a parade of left-wing activists hot to trot for Bill 25-0119, the Healthy Homes and Residential Electrification Amendment Act of 2023. The bill calls for subsidized housing to go electric, and if you want to install “appliances or other systems that combust fossil fuels on site,” (in other words, that burn natural gas) you will have to pay for the privilege in the form of increased permit fees.
I would protest by firing up a batch of Blue Blazer, but I might just set myself on fire. Bent out of shape as I may be by relentless busy-bodyism, self-immolation isn’t my preferred protest. But how about a less dangerous flaming drink? Trader Vic used to make a drink called the Black Stripe with rum, honey, cinnamon, and cloves, topped with flammable overproof rum that was served on fire. Enjoy it while you can.
Eric Felten is the James Beard Award-winning author of How’s Your Drink?