When you come at the king, you best not miss
Tiana Lowe
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With their six-hour Netflix documentary, hour-and-a-half-long Oprah interview, bestselling memoir, hours of a Spotify podcast, and countless interviews both across the pond and stateside, it’s safe to say that Meghan Markle and the Harry formerly known as prince have played their hand. Save for more details about Harry’s drug dreams or Meg’s five-year grudges about a toddler’s tights, the couple has no more arrows left in the quiver — no more supposedly stunning revelations to make the family they so clearly hate fear their wrath.
What exactly did Harry and Meghan want from this campaign, other than the tens of millions of dollars to retire in the obscurity of Southern California? The goalposts have shifted. It began with the initial Megxit demand that The Crown let them become Netflix celebrities while profiting from the taxpayer-funded monarchy. It extended to their post-media blitz assumption that they’re owed an apology.
And what did they get? An eviction notice.
When you come at Charles III — by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, and lifelong style-icon — you best not miss. Beneath the rosy-cheeked grandfather in the decades-old double-breasted suit is the politician who strong-armed his mother into letting him modernize the monarchy, a prime minister into letting him play a semi-formal role in Brexit negotiations, and the nation into accepting (now, evidently, embracing) his former mistress as the queen of the United Kingdom.
Whatever fatherly pass Harry expected his dear old father to allow him likely went up in flames. This did not occur during his initial Festivus tour when Harry lambasted Charles as a father, but when, in both the memoir and the Netflix series, Harry lambasted Charles, the man; his wife and love of his life; the beloved heir to his throne; and his other daughter-in-law, not Moaning Meghan. This was his most courageous move, in that nearly all polling since the death of Elizabeth II shows the current Princess of Wales to be the most popular member. Meghan and Prince Andy the Randy are in constant competition for dead last.
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Instead of an apology, an invite to the first coronation in 70 years, and a taxpayer-funded security detail, King Charles gave Harry and Meghan the boot from Frogmore Cottage. As a part of his plan to oust Prince Andrew from public life, Charles will downgrade Jeffrey Epstein’s former BFF from the Royal Lodge to Frogmore, and Harry and Meghan will lose their last home in the U.K.
The last King Charles of England was also dubbed the Merry Monarch, thanks to his popularity. Given the extreme distaste the British public has toward the professional victimhood of Harry and Meghan, Charles III may yet live up to his namesake’s moniker.